SBD

Ever have one of those days when you are anticipating a hoohoo cam appointment so much that your stomach is in knots and you know you are going to have to take a big ol’ crap right before? And then pray you get all the remnants and smell wiped away before someone’s face is down there?

Enter me yesterday. For my abdominal and pelvic ultrasound to find out WTF is up with all this bleeding.

Only I never had to take that anxiety crap.

Instead, I had anxiety gas. But it would never COME.OUT! I could feel it rumbling and I was praying like crazy that when I walked down the hall from the waiting room to the changing area, that I would sound like the little 80 year old granny taking the Tooting Walk of Fame.

But no…

It’s still brewing up in there.

Abdominal u/s complete. I can now empty my 32 oz bladder. Please let the farts come out now! Before the hoohoo cam!

But Nothing…

Up I go back on the table (no stirrups in an all Womens Hospital, I find this odd) so she bumps up my booty with a couple of folded up towels and covers up my legs (knees up) with a blanket.

As she is preparing the hoohoo cam with it’s tiny condom and jelly, I feel it coming. Oh GAWD.

And then I squeezed my cheeks together as best I could and leaked out The Giant SBD of 2010.

Silent, but deadly.

Which immediately turned into a Dutch Oven 2010.

I swear I saw her cringe when she whipped back the blanket!

SO.EMBARASSING!

Anyone else ever farted on their u/s tech, Gyno, OB or RE? Please tell me I am not the only one…